You cannot talk to me anyhow, even on Hinge.

Hi, it is me back again!

The UK is slowly opening again and so am I with my ability to write. Once again you know the vibes and I am not anybody’s wife, not even anyone’s babe. #stress

Currently, dating apps have provided me with unserious candidates, entertainment, and potentially one or two dates *eye emoji*

However, getting through the process of meeting a serious candidate has given me a headache. Here are a few characters me and my friends have encountered;

A-Z of Characters; 

Add me on Instagram Adam – ‘I am hardly on this app, so add my Instagram’. May your follower count never reach a milestone.

Astrology Annie – ‘What is your star sign babe?’ May your horoscope never come true.

CEO of Life Caleb – What does that mean? Are you self-employed or not employed at all? Do you receive a payslip?

Desperate Daniella – You’ve sent 13 messages and all I have said is Hey. Why are you chatting to yourself? Desperation is not cute Hun.

Hatfish Henry – In all your pictures you are wearing a hat. Do you have hair? Is your hairline expired? You are still trying to hold onto your edges that let go in 2016.

Insecure Isabel – If you don’t reply with 5 mins, they are asking what is wrong and what can they do to fix it? You can fix it by leaving me alone.

Intense Questioning Isaiah – They ask for your blood type, favourite color, food, sex position, where do you live? So intense! First, did you read my profile? Secondly, is this AC12 and you’re Steve Arnott?

Married Mia – ‘I am married but separated.’ You still live with your husband and you are pregnant with your 3rd child. GET OUT OF HERE.

No Response Nathan – You just don’t respond to your messages at all. Your camera is switched off in Zoom meetings. May your other matches be drier than the Sahara.

Photo Request Patricia – Then there are ones that constantly request photos especially of your lower half – DO YOU NOT AVE MANNERS?

Respond Quickly Rico – They claim to ‘respond to your message as soon as they see it’ but they left you on read for 96+ hours.  I claim that your phone never regains its battery.

Torso Temi – Why do your pictures adequately not show your face? Your torso pics are from 2009 and poorly lit. Who am I really talking to? Are you the fourth man from Line of Duty?

I am sure reading about these men has given you a migraine. It is really a headache!

The world of dating apps is not easy, but I am destined to be someone’s babe, so we carry on.

Hopefully, I won’t leave it long until the next one.

This Girl Can Write, A

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1 Comment

  1. Kendie 08/05/2021 at 9:10 am

    Hi Ashlee,
    I deleted the dating app I was on a couple years ago. Some guys on there, just wow.

    Reply

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