Disclaimer: This post is purely banter, not any reflection on my own actual life.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have concluded that I would like a sweetener daddy. As Davido says, ‘In this life, if you don’t have money oo, you dey suffer’ and your girl is suffering haha.
Do you know how I would go about getting one? Are there black sweetener daddies? There are dating apps out there. I don’t want a full senior citizen with a free bus pass, bossman can you even see my profile? I just would like a guy who thinks I am his ‘Nubian Queen’, ‘Young Black Princess’ or ‘Hot Babe’ (read in a pidgin accent) lool.
Personally, I think I would make a cute sweetener baby; I am a stupendous snack and uncle like snacks, right?! All I would like is a little attention but mostly the money and I will be doing bits. Not everyday trips, just a few investments here and there.
I am tiyad, that I am still not living the life I deserve. All I would need is a cash injection into my life weekly and then I can really secure the bag. I need to be going on trips to Dubai, destination weddings and getting one step closer to buying my house.
A Splenda or sugar substitute daddy will do, I need nice things in life and this 9 to 5 life isn’t cutting in right now, I mean why have I not blown in life?!
Love and Affection
Being affectionate, is a no from me dawg. Uncle really can’t be sliding up on me in Nando’s. Are you a snake? This isn’t the Nokia 3210. Stay calm. Stick to the arrangement and transfer the money into the sort code and account number, I provided please.
I can’t be catching feelings though, I have to lowkey fake my attachment towards him as this will be a short-term solution #tagyoursponsor2020, I mean Uncle what nice shoes you have? Also, I have got to set boundaries as this isn’t the Ashes.
You cannot be moving mad in Nando’s or Tesco, everyone thinking I am with my Uncle and we are getting physical. Lawd, I know I can’t take it there; I can hold your hand and cuddle but no intimacy please. I specfically asked for a sweetener daddy not a sugar one, so I don’t want any sugar. You are not 30 and under sooo this is strictly a financially beneficial relationship, I am your paid girlfriend until 8pm.
Listen, I would like to be the black Melania and Donald trump until the start of next year, so I can secure the bag, move out, go on the trips I deserve and get small small male attention. You dig?
Peace until next time,
This Girl Can Write, A