The second story in the Storytime series focuses on a holiday to Europe which me and my friend had eagerly booked. We were there henjoying life, the sunshine and eating Burger King like it was £1.99. It was lit!
Anyway, after coming back from the beach and waiting for the metro, we see one don eyeballing us up like a few metres down on the platform. He looked far too interested in us to not say anything, so when he got on the train, it was time for him to shoot his shot. He made his way to the section of the train we were sitting in and asked if we spoke Spanish. Nope, senor. Then he asked if we spoke English and if we on holiday here. Si Senor! We were a mini squad, one didn’t come without the other – like jerk chicken and rice and peas.
He proceeds to ask the usual questions regarding someone who is on holiday, ‘Have you come from the beach?’ bearing in mind, we had sliders and towels on us ‘How long are you in Malaga for?’ What sights have you seen? Then we start to switch it up and ask him, ‘How long has he lived in Spain for?’ ‘Where does he work?’ ‘What is his blood type and height?’ Lol we didn’t ask him that. However, I will point out that he was wearing a wife beater aka white vest, with the grey tracksuit bottoms (no print I’m afraid ladies) and white high tops in July. It’s hot in the summer, and man looked like he couldn’t decide if he was coming from the gym or going to the beach.
As we were talking, we were coming closer to our metro stop and we felt like Migos and he needs to wrap it up then. We get off the metro and proceed to say a further goodbye as his house is in a different place of Malaga to our hotel and we thanked him for keeping us company on the train. My man was like nah, I want YOU. I was like seen you are a keen one, aren’t you?
Me and my friend wanted to get ice cream because it was our penultimate day in Malaga and we had the ice cream the day before and it was thebomb.com. We go to the ice cream stand and he is following us casually. We go and do several taste tests #dab before choosing on our flavours. Either this guy is either lactose intolerant like me or he doesn’t eat ice cream cause he looked like his mind was doing a crossword to choose what flavour was for him, in the end he chose a sorbet and an ice cream flavours of like vanilla and red bull. What combination is that? He ate it with such a struggle, you can tell he doesn’t eat it on a regular basis but he was doing it #fortheculture. #iscreamforicecream
We finessed free ice cream as he paid and me and my friend made sure we got 3 scoops each – He is throwing dem Euro’s like he is Rick Ross.
We walk and talk for a bit and then he starts to ask, ‘Where we are from?’ How old are we and Do we have a BF back home? Erm, how about catch me and bae back in England how about that? It was clear he wanted to spend time with us but this is our last full day in Malaga and we needed to catch the flight home. We spun the script on him and asked ‘Where is your girlfriend or wife?’ ‘Do you have any children?’ #hideyokidshideyowife ‘Do you really work in IT?’– He said he didn’t have kids, a wife or GF and he did work in IT. When we asked him how old he was, he said he is 34 and I was like you swopped the numbers around, you are 43!
When we both said we had bae back in England, my man said can you not have bae in Spain as well. Me and my friend was floored. I am logging out of Google Chrome.
The confidence was at Kilimanjaro! We both said, erm no (Relationships don’t work like that). He tried to convince us that it would work, we can WhatsApp call and message but mate, you ain’t coming to the UK and I ain’t coming Malaga anytime soon. #issamyth People, having an idea or something but doing it in person in 2 different things. It’s all good, having bae in an international country but if you don’t see them, what are you having a WhatsApp relationship? Bossman ting, that can’t run. Not in my life anyway.
I thought by then he would be like well, I’ve tried but no persistent was this man’s middle name and came from ANOTHER angle. #anotherone.
He then asked if we could come back to his house. THIS GEEZER. He must be legally deaf cause he didn’t get the answer no. I felt like we were in the Apprentice and he was giving his pitch and we were on the panel to decide if we wanted his product.
So, me and my friend was tired of this guy’s advances and we wanted to go back to our hotel. Man was longing out the ting. As I’ve mentioned, it was our penultimate day in Malaga and we just wanted to go home. This guy wasn’t letting us leave this metro station without something. We said we can give you one or both our numbers but we need to catch this train like yesterday. It was like he hit the jackpot and quickly was on the dial log LOL the thirst. We told him, get us through the barrier and both our numbers is all his. Then he went and got out a metro ticket and put in the machine and it was expired. WOMP. Then he got another ticket and we both through the barrier. #issastruggle
We finessed a free metro journey home and ice cream, we gave him our numbers with one or two incorrect digits and CUT! Never did we see or hear from this don again but thanks for the metro journey and the ice cream yeah. Safe. #dab
Peace until the next story time,
This Girl Can Write, A