Office Politics

So, at some point in your working life, you will come across an office job which you can either be there a few months or a few years. No matter how long you’ve been there, all offices have wahala that you need to navigate to make it through the day and make it to your yard leaving at 5.00.001pm.

5pm  #5pmclosingtime

In terms of personalities, there will always one bish and bastaarrd that you fully dislike and they always happen to be on your team. #hatersgonnahate. Then you have a team player and miss optimistic who things everything is going be okay when all the system is failing. That is when Mr pessimistic comes in and thinks everything is trash. #wasteman Lastly, there is your team leader who can you get on with or you can dislike.

1f4.gif  #hatersgoingtosayitsphotoshop

Mr. Realist manages expectations and is realistic. Ms. Costume Jewellery who loves to tell everyone how good they are but you sure you’ve seen them spend 30 mins on one email and love to kiss a*s with management, but you know they aren’t doing anything at all. Then Mrs. Daily Mail who pretends to be at the printer and listens to all your tea and then when she goes home, she talks to her cats and has no human interaction. #fass the last personality is the joker who sees light in every situation and makes jokes #banter

Another part of the office is tea breaks as some people love to abuse them. When you ask the person if they want tea, they have the most complicated order, so like fulling up the cup to 80ml, leaving the tea bag for 1 min and 32 secs and then add one sachet of sugar, bare long! Also, there is always a guy that steals the teabags and don’t replace them #tetleystealer and takes the milk and then goes into the fridge and asks where the milk is when you know it is in their stomach. #rude It is like lunch breaks and people take the digestive when it comes to lunch. Do you eat 5 sandwiches at a time why you take so long outside, or you don’t know how to tell the time? If you go for a lunch for longer than scheduled, can I go and fry plantain or does it not work like that?

what-plantain-sees-when-im-frying-8767977 #yaasss

My advice here is to bring your own mug, teabags, and coffee and lock them dem in your draw so nobody can take them. Also, watch out for your food in the communal fridge as it will get stolen or someone will taste it. Always put your food with a different coloured lid so you can identify yours or bring the food from back home e.g. Cowfoot or Suya and no one will touch your food.

Workwise, understand what is expected of you and make sure you have a clear view of your objectives. If you don’t understand your objectives, then how can you do your best job and live your best life. Take receipts and write everything down, you don’t know when it might be useful and when you need to throw shade at that certain someone. If your job includes phone work, don’t stand for the consumer chatting rubbish, be empathic but firm and put them on hold if you need to investigate or don’t understand their query. Make sure you Rihanna ft. Drake and complete tasks. #putyouonhold

Meetings and interactions. The first couple of weeks, keep as quiet as Jerry does in Tom and Jerry’s. Just observe like you are doing an Ofsted inspection in a school, take in people’s personalities, the tea they want to spill and the way how they interact with people. Then you’ll see who you will get along with and who you are not so keen on. Ask for training. Ask if you don’t understand the workstream. If you are not feeling or getting along with your colleagues, speak up and if your team leader isn’t doing anything then telling them to suck their *fill in the blanks*.

As my Mum says, ‘Get a career, not a job’ and you will always be happier and look forward to going to work! ‘In theory anyway’.

Peace until next time,

This Girl Can Write, A

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